Good Times Ahead

I have said numerous times I should have kept on or need to start blogging again because I have had so many crazy awesome stories over the past year, but each new event gets me further and further away from where I left off. So, I'm  going to sit down in a day or two and do a lengthy recap of my adventures and put in a good effort to keep up. Tonight, however, I'm going to start with a reflection...

I have always tried to be an optimistic person, believe that things happen for a reason, but I'm not always a very positive person because I have had an unusual amount of bad things or streaks of bad luck in my life. I am also very blessed in many ways so when I tell people I had bad luck or whatever most people don't see it and just see everything that I "have". However, that slow yet steady current of misfortunes in my life I realized has made me come to seek out the problems, not like I want them, I just think I got to the point where I feel like when things are going well for me there must be a dark shadow lurking around the corner. So instead of forging ahead and embracing the positivity I'm experiencing at the time whatever it may be, it's as if I am determined to meander off the path towards that dark shadow to see what's waiting to ruin me and get it before it gets me.  I guess I thought I was becoming a predator before I became the prey. What I haven't realized until recently is by trying to be one I've been getting the exact opposite results. I should stay out in the sunshine embracing an opportunity or basking in the love of those still willing to give it to me instead of straying to the darkness looking for trouble. In most cases, all the trouble I dredged up probably would have stayed there if I hadn't insisted on the fact that there's always something out to get me. I've taken away some of my own opportunities in certain circumstances, or made others more difficult to handle since I refuse to believe the universe might just be willing to let me enjoy the blessings I've been given. I still won't ever not say I do have a plethora of crazy stories with bad endings, and some stories with really bad beginnings that still trouble me to this day, but everything has shaped the path that I'm on. I want to work on avoiding the shadows though, stop thinking I don't want to share my good news because I don't want to jinx it. Another funny thing about me, even though I'm not superstitious per say, I do feel like that negative energy I am so convinced is attached me makes me think ridiculous things like saying to someone I've had such a great day then immediately thinking I shouldn't say anything til the day is over and I'm in bed cuz someone or something is sure to wander in at this point since I said something and rain on my parade. Or a new friend I talk to a lot or boyfriend, when I think about giving them a special tone on my phone I think well every time I do that we stop talking or breakup right after. Coincidence, maybe, me assuming that doing that means things are going to end badly probably more likely means that the point I decide that person is worthy is about the time I start looking for trouble with them. So I want to change my streak, yes I'm sure I'm still gonna have bad luck, I am almost out of the seven year binder I have with that damn mirror though ;) but next time I find someone worthy of a designated ringtone, I want to think about why I have that special person in my life and exploit the blessing, not assume it is probably a curse. When things are going well and I'm having a good day and good luck, I'll be obnoxious and post it to Facebook for everyone to see instead of worrying about how that good luck will turn to bad luck if I'm actually sharing and enjoying it. Yup, sure sounds crazy when I spell it out like that and admit to it, and it is. I have a crazy wonderful life, I've met great people all over, I've had unforgettable experiences and it's time I embrace that on a full time basis. I understand people will come and go, but not everyone is meant to always be part of my life, and each person will surely contribute some small, or maybe large, thread that's an integral part of the tapestry of my life, regardless of whether I see it added or see it's affect in the overall masterpiece. I don't think I can say I have regrets or wish I could go back and do things over, because they happened the way they were meant to, having said that I still can better control the direction my ship sails and do my damnedest to avoid the rough waters. Storms will hit but hopefully I will have people around me in the future that will stick by me to battle it out and come out smiling on the other side. So from now on, I'm planning on smooth sailing, I'm captain of this ship with a great crew and think we would all agree we want to steer towards sunny skies or under blankets of stars and seek out love, happiness and just a good time. Tomorrow is a new day, and it will be a beautiful one!